I can't really explain how special this next mama is to me. I have always thought of her as a silent oak. She is so soft spoken and poised, yet when she makes a remark it is so rooted and wise. I have grown in my marriage because of the example her family has set for Brian and myself. When I discovered I was pregnant I began praying for someone close to me to become pregnant with me. Unexpectedly Jada became pregnant with her second baby boy. (I still joke with her that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have baby Sam.) The story of her first labor experience is such a testimony of how God uses motherhood to mold us to His image. Though I had heard it before, seeing it written out has already began working on my heart again. I hope it does the same for you!
When Randi first asked me to share this story, I was a little nervous. In fact, she asked me in October last year, and I’m just now getting around to really writing it down. My first birth experience was a bit crazy. It was a hard day for me, and it really took me a long time to process everything and begin to think rightly about everything that happened. Actually, it wasn’t until the last six months that I have been in God’s Word consistently and now I fully understand some underlying heart issues that went into making that day. It wasn’t particularly dangerous, and my baby boy was perfectly healthy, it just did not go as planned… in the slightest. My first son is now 2 years old, and I have another bouncy baby boy who is 9 months old. I'm sharing my birth story of my first baby, not because it's "better" or more dramatic, but because honestly, it taught me so much and God grew and disciplined me the most through it.
My husband and I aren't really picky people, and we're generally pretty laid back. We skipped birthing classes and I just chatted with my mom and friends who had had babies. They are the experts after all. The only things on my mental birth plan were to not have a c section and to hold my baby as soon as he was born. Although I wasn’t very picky about things, I did have an idea in my head of how my birth would go. Well, Hatcher was due on Christmas Day 2012. My pregnancy had been very uneventful. It was mostly easy, I worked up until Christmas break (I was a teacher), and I was out doing walking lunges and squats the week he arrived. Besides the whole "feeling huge" and swollen feet thing, I felt great. Christmas came and went, and still no sign of my sweet boy.
It wasn't until January 3 that my husband and I went to get milkshakes from Cookout when my water broke! We got the milkshakes to go, and he was giving me my nightly foot rub (which he still does almost every night to this day, he’s awesome!), when my water broke. It wasn't a gush like they show on TV and in the movies. It was a slow trickle, and sometimes it would stop all together. I found it very strange, but I knew it was my water that had broken. So we go to the hospital, after a moment of them trying to tell me my water hadn't broken, and me assuring them it had, they admitted me! Turns out, my boy's head was acting like a cork. So when I stood or sat, the amniotic fluid stopped running. If I laid down, his head would move and it would start leaking again. Now, you're probably wondering, where were the contractions? Yep, me too. There were none. It was still evening and the night was young...so I walked around, sat on a ball, did whatever labor dance the nurses told me to do... Nothing. There were contractions on the monitor, but I couldn't feel them, and they weren't dilating me so it really didn't matter. I was a big fat zero centimeters dilated. So after an exhausting night of all that and more than 13 hours of no productive contractions, I got started on pitocin at 7 am to help get things going. Contractions got going, and were strong and painful from the get-go. By noon, I was very ready for an epidural. They wanted me to dilate to 5 cm before that though, so I had to wait. Finally, around 5 pm, I was able to get an epidural. It seemed like it took my body forever and I was waiting and waiting for that relief that everyone talks about. I started to feel it on one side. So then they asked me to roll from side to side to get it to even out. It eventually did, and I breathed easy for... 10 minutes. Probably enough for 3 contractions. Then the epidural completely quit working altogether. Just completely quit working! The good news was apparently all my body needed was that 10 minutes of relief! Those few minutes of relaxing helped my body progress much more quickly. I dilated from 5 cm to 10 cm in the next hour! It went very fast and it was very intense.
Around 6 pm, it was time to push. I was very thankful to have a great nurse who was very encouraging and helpful to me, because as time progressed, things were going further and further away from what I expected to happen. I pushed and pushed. And then pushed some more. My sweet boy never moved, not even a centimeter. They said that he was "sunny side up", meaning he would be born with his face facing the ceiling (babies are typically born with their face towards the floor), and the nurses and doctors assured me many times that this was ok. Many babies are born every day in that position. Well, not every baby has a 100th percentile head! I pushed some more, and he still never moved. The doctor tried to turn him, but at this point, he was stuck in my pelvic bone. And since my little boy has quite the large head, it had begun to swell because of all the pushing. So not only was he stuck, but his head was getting even larger due to swelling.
The doctor had gently asked me a couple times if I was willing to have a c section throughout the process. I think he knew that's how it would end, but he didn't want to force me into anything and I know he was trying to be sensitive to my wishes. I pushed for nearly 4 hours that night. I remember him asking me again around 10:00 pm about a c section and I was more than ready!
Now, remember that epidural that wouldn't work? Well, nothing would numb me either for my c section. The doctors tried several things and nothing worked. So I had to have general anesthesia to be put to sleep. This was totally 100% NOT what I was expecting or wanting for the birth of my first son.
At 10:14 pm, on January 4, my chunky, little linebacker Hatcher Thomas came into this world weighing 9 lbs, 5 oz and had a head circumference that was literally off the charts. I woke up pretty quickly and got to hold him soon. I was very groggy from anesthesia and kept asking my husband, "how much did he weigh?". I just couldn't believe it! Never did I think I would have a baby that weighed over 9 pounds! He was the most perfect baby I had ever seen before. I instantly fell in love. Although it wasn’t “magical” as some women describe, it was a beautiful moment that has been etched in my memory forever. God was so incredibly gracious to give me a baby and to be living in an area where I have access to a first-world hospital. I couldn’t be mad about the process of how my babe came into the world, when I realized how HUGE the blessing was that I was holding (literally too LOL)! You see, God is always good, even when certain circumstances are not. And when that truth is settled in your heart, you can accept life’s daily challenges and let-downs knowing that God’s goodness endures forever.
I went into my first birth experience one way, and I came out a totally different woman. God changed my heart that day and has continued to in more ways than one. I grew into a woman where I realize and truly accept in my heart that God is ultimately the writer of our story. Looking back, I realize that I was prideful and wasn't allowing God any room in my own plans. Even though I was not very particular about how things could go, I had this “idea” of how things should go. My idea of how things would go did not include the Lord. Besides praying that my son’s birth would go “well, smooth, safe, and easy”, I didn’t pray about my upcoming birth experience. Honestly, I had not given God His right place in my life or my heart at all. I had let becoming a parent come in front of my relationship with the Lord. I had made being a mother and my future child idols and was not living a life completely devoted to God. In a day with google, social media, and a wealth of information at our fingertips, it’s so easy to allow things to come before the Lord. 1 John 5:21 says “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts.” The Lord allowed things to happen differently than I expected. And I am so thankful! He used them to build me into a better follower and a better mother. I learned that nothing, not even children or the preparation for a new baby, should come in front of my relationship with Jesus. I learned more about denying myself than ever before and allowing God to be gloried in all situations. After all, besides a new salvation, there’s nothing more reminding of God’s glory to me than a new baby being born. I wouldn't change one single thing about how my Hatcher came into the world. It’s amazing how Jesus works to grow and build His children. God isn’t an advocate for a certain kind of birth, and no certain experience will make us a better mother. The Lord is sovereign and orchestrates everything in our lives for experiences and situations that will grow us into more obedient and disciplined followers of Jesus. God always does what is right and what is perfect.
Today our Hatcher is an intelligent, spunky, wide open little two year old boy. We’re so thankful to have him and his younger brother Samuel now. The Lord uses them daily to teach me more about Himself (mama friends know that this parenting thing is a sweet process but also a very sanctifying process if we allow it to be). I think the most incredible thought is when I think about how much I love my children, the Lord Himself loves me SO MUCH MORE than that. He has good plans for me, even if they don’t seem good in the moment, and ultimately and most importantly He has plans that are for His glory! His glory is for my good…. May God be glorified in everything we do- including birth experiences and raising little ones!
