She said, "....this was the turning point for me and I stopped mulling over the past. I needed to concentrate on my future and my marriage. I decided to blog my journey through Instagram, 1) for me to have a diary to look back on and 2 ) to share my struggle. Success stories and struggles were hard to come by when looking and the ones I did find gave me just enough hope not to give up trying. The name I chose was @kickstartbaby as I feel it tells a story in the name alone."
We need to rally around these friends and family members and shower them with love and encouragement. We should be thankful for the options modern science have given us such as IUI and IVF. By sharing her story Stacey has brought comfort to so many of her followers in the UK. I know she will do the same for our readers here!
In January 2012 I married my best friend, Keith. In the 7 years prior to our marriage we'd already been through a lifetime of heartache and were on the brink of the darkest times of our lives. In 2008 we decided we were ready for a baby. After years on the pill trying our damnedest not to fall pregnant, we were ready. I was so naive to think it would 'just happen'. I was really relaxed about the whole thing for the first year or so as people had said it can sometimes take a while for your body to adjust from the contraception. In 2009 Keith asked me to marry him in front of both sides of our family in our garden on my birthday! I was elated... but It was at that point I became more and more aware of the fact we weren't pregnant yet. People automatically presumed babies would be next on our agenda not knowing that in fact we wanted so badly to be parents already and we had comments left right a centre that we almost never talked about it to each other. It was an elephant in the room really. I think looking back now we didn't dare delve into why we weren't pregnant yet.
After a year of being his fiancée we had a wedding to plan! Every day was consumed in flowers, frills, cakes and dresses. I soon relaxed again about the baby situation and we finally set the date for June 23rd, 2012. We couldn't wait! Every time the church bells rang I could hear it from our house and I can see it from our landing window. I could just imagine us standing there saying our vows. Secretly I could see myself with a bump by then, if not with a baby already.
Our excitement soon came crashing to a halt when in November 2011 my beautiful mum, Ann was diagnosed with cancer... It was terminal. My whole world collapsed at that very moment. We were best friends, I couldn't imagine life without her in it and I fell into a huge black hole of depression. Our excitement had soon turned into despair. The flowers, cakes , frills and dresses soon turned into medication, goodbyes, tears and endless trips to the hospital. (The same one that would later play another huge part in our lives.) After a whirlwind few weeks and Mum's prognosis, we brought the wedding forward to January 20th. We had two weeks to plan it now that mum was getting weaker. The day was perfect and I said my vows to the man I love and we were finally man and wife. As the weeks passed by, I too was weaker and I dropped to 6 stone and was severely depressed. Myself and Mum's best friend became her carer so she could stay at home. Her courage somehow brought me comfort - she took it with a pinch of salt and I only really heard her cry when she talked about how she would never see our children born. The relationship we had was so close I couldn't imagine how she was feeling. I felt like part of me was dying with her. After a short struggle, 5 months after her diagnosis, Mum passed away on Monday, April 30th in her home with her 3 children, partner and best friend by her side. After that day we sat in her living room reminiscing about the wonderful childhood she gave us. It was almost beautiful.
The weeks and months passed and thoughts started to return to us having a baby. More so now was it important as I'd just realized how short life really was. I almost became obsessed. My life became 2 week intervals of trying and hoping and peeing on sticks left right and centre. I was becoming more and more aware that something could be wrong even though I was regular as clockwork . In July 2012 we decided to seek advice from our doctor and were referred to a fertility clinic for further tests. In October 2012 we had been given the all clear on both sides. Nothing was wrong with Keith's sperm, and my ovaries were absolutely fine. We never really spoke about what-ifs. We spoke about everything, but this baby making had put such pressure on us as a couple. Love making became a ritual at certain times. Conversations and comments from others became awkward and we were becoming more and more stressed. We had two choices: carry on trying naturally or assisted fertility. We chose the latter as we knew all too well life is too short... We went for it! Luckily in the UK we have the NHS and we would be funded for 3 IUI's and 1 IVF. This was the turning point for me and I stopped mulling over the past. I needed to concentrate on my future and my marriage.
In January 2013 we had the first of our IUI's which hadn't worked. February came and went and again we were disappointed, but I felt hopeful. Although I always knew they wouldn't work it was my stepping stone to IVF. In March they over stimulated my ovaries so that cycle was abandoned. After all of the injections, trips to the fertility clinic and stress it caused, what a waste! But we were given a final try in April which confirmed IVF would be our only ticket to parenthood. We discussed a plan to cap our tries at a certain point. If by then It didn't happen then becoming parents wasn't for us. This decision petrified me as I was still young, I was born to be a mummy. I knew deep down I would never be able to give up trying.
We booked ourselves a holiday to Crete in the May so I could be completely relaxed in prep for our 1st and only IVF. It was just what I needed. Not only was I mentally drained my body was ridden with marks from the constant injections and the bags under my eyes were getting darker by the day. Soon enough on June 11th, 2014 it was day 21 of my IVF cycle and injections began to suppress my natural cycle, called down regulation. This continued until I was to stimulate my ovaries. I was scanned on July 1st, which show 12 beautifully sized follicles. Perfect number. Six days later I was all set for my egg retrieval and was amazed to wake up from my deep sleep to be told they collected a whopping 22 eggs! On 12th July 2014 I went in for transfer day. To our amazement we were given the option of transferring 2, day 5 blastocysts! Although we'd been told we couldn't do all along and all of a sudden we had a decision to make. Originally we decided on a spur of the moment to just transfer one. I was built like a 12 year old and we worried that carrying two would be impossible. Not only that, but Keith was so worried all the time that something would go wrong. Reassured, we went with the option of transferring two and I headed home with my precious cargo.
The very next day, hope was fading fast when I received a call to say the remaining embryos hadn't survived the freeze. They were our last chance .... and they were all gone. All was riding on these two hanging on in my womb. I tried to remain hopeful but this was horrifying. I remember going food shopping that day and bumping into my husband's best friend and sobbing in the chocolate aisle of the supermarket. I had to dig deep and find a way if coping as I knew right now my body needed complete zen and I needed to believe and give these babies a chance. I couldn't give up. The very next day, on Keith's birthday while hanging out the washing, I found my sign. I'd read that on days 2-3 the embryo would 'hatch and attach' and there, on the freshly cut grass, a tiny, white, hatched bird egg! That very moment, so poignant in my journey. I knew I was pregnant. I tested the morning after. The line became two lines.... still thinking it could possibly be the trigger I tested every morning thereafter and it was getting darker and darker. By the 19th of July I knew it was so. I ran downstairs to Keith who hadn't realized I was testing (because I daren't say anything and give false hope, even he didn't dare believe.) Official test day wasn't until 23rd July and the hospital had agreed for me to test my urine and bloods would be done later date because we were on holiday with friends. We broke the news to them as soon as we arrived by setting up the camera for a picture and spilling out our news just before the flash!
On 12th August we finally headed in for a scan to confirm our news. We were 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant when we were told there was indeed a beating heart. Not only that, but there were two! I was about to be a mum of twins! All these years and we'd finally done it. We were pregnant! @kickstartbaby became @kickstartbabies and we announced on my 27th birthday, September 18th that we were expecting our little miracles in the March. I was very open with the fact they were a result of IVF. Some women are private about that part, but for me it was a huge journey and I am super proud of myself and hubby for going through it and remaining strong. Everyone was so happy for us - we were on cloud nine. I loved my pregnancy and it was so good to me. I wasn't sick once and enjoyed every growing pain, every kick and every hiccup.
After days in and out of hospital, having had labor stopped twice and a transfer to a hospital 80 miles away they finally arrived early by emergency cesarean at 31+4 on Friday the 30th of January, 2015. Two very healthy boys Arnie 3lb 10oz and Ronnie 3lb 15oz. They had a stay in neonatal care. Arnie was home at 3 weeks old and I had to haul him in and out of hospital daily to see Ronnie for another 3 weeks. Keith was saving his paternity for when they both arrived home so having one home was one of the hardest chapters, but the day finally came on Friday March 13, exactly 6 weeks after arriving into this world and only 2 days away from Mother's Day, Ronnie was coming home. Watching the man I love so dearly walking out of that hospital with our sons, the very place where I'd seen my most darkest days 3 years prior - but now the very place that helped create my complete family. It was wonderful.
All of the broken pieces of my heart glued together right there at those sliding doors. The timing was perfect. I was able to go to the very spot I stood with my mum on her last Mother's Day for a photo and pay tribute to her by standing with the boys in my arms on my first...exactly 3 years ago to the day. I remember saying I would never smile again. I truly believed I would never smile. Yet here I was like a pig in muck, beaming from ear to ear. We did it! The first day of the rest of our lives. We are truly blessed to be the success story that I've shared with almost 3k people. Originally strangers who I now call friends. I hope that some of those take hope from my journey and pray that many of them get the ending they so greatly deserved. Never give up. Always believe.
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